What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the words “Sacred Sexuality”? Not to be confused with “Sacred SEX”. Our “Sexuality” is something that is inherent in each and every one of us. We are born with it and we are born from it. Yet somehow, sex has become a dirty word. For thousands of years, sex has been looked at as something that is immoral, dirty, sinful, disgusting, shameful, taboo, etc… Yet, everyone is so utterly obsessed with sex.
So are we just going around feeling bad about our sexual thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, and actions? Why do we feel so much shame and guilt around our sexuality and what can we do to overcome it? There is indeed much healing that needs to takes place around this subject. Most likely, most of us have been raised to believe that sex should only take place between a husband and a wife and that sex outside of marriage is a SIN. There are even laws in some states that say “Fornication” (sex before marriage) and “Adultery” (sex outside of marriage) is illegal and punishable by law and not only that, but we may also be punished by God for these acts of perversion and infidelity. Its no wonder that so many of us have feelings of guilt and shame around our sexuality when for so long we have been made to deny our sexual feelings to abide by these laws and morals.
In the realm of Tantra we learn that our sexuality is sacred and that through sexual union and sexual energy, otherwise know as “life-force energy”, we have a direct connection with the Divine Source of all Creation. It is my own personal belief that humans are incarnations of this “Divine Source” and that each and everyone of us comes from its essence or energy, if you will. If God, lets call it “The Divine Source” (for the sake of a non-bias definition or explanation) created the universe and therefor IS the universe itself, then each and every atom, and every molecule that makes up matter both seen and unseen, big and small, dark and light, male and female, etc… is interconnected. There is NO-thing that is not part of this Divine Source. Our minds cannot fathom this and therefore wants to compartmentalize things in order to make sense of them. Especially thousands of years ago, when we were not evolved enough to see the bigger picture, so to speak. We devised a system of check's and balances in order to create, well ORDER!. We felt the need for order in a world of chaos and destruction in the midst of primal, animalistic, survival mode. So humans began to tell stories about gods and goddess's, demons and angels, spirits and sprites, etc… trying desperately to understand where they came from and what or who created them and everything that they could see, taste, touch, smell and hear. To this day, humans are still trying to figure out the mystery of creation, which to this day, we can still only speculate. Every culture has a creation myth that has tried to explain this, yet not one of them has ever proven it to be true or fact. Even Science cannot prove the creation of the universe and our purpose as humans within the scope of it. Yet, we keep on trying to figure it out. WHY? Why do we need to have proof that God(s) or science is real? Why cant we just accept it for what it is… an eternal mystery that only becomes more and more mysterious and complex as we continue to question, grow, learn, and evolve. So, where does Sacred Sexuality fit into this equation you may ask? Good question!
According to Tantric texts, our sexuality is the gateway between this world (the seen) and the world beyond (the unseen) and even though it is still a mystery, there is no denying that the creation of a human life is nothing less than a miracle. For the seed of a man and the egg of a woman to come together in sacred sexual union and be able to create another human life (you, me, us) is truly remarkable, is it not? And yet we treat sex like something as casual as eating or sleeping. We either learned through religion that sex is ONLY for meant procreation by a husband and a wife, or we learned through pornography that sex is ONLY for pleasure and sexual gratification, once again compartmentalizing... not seeing sex or sexuality for what it truly is… a sacred union with the Divine Source of all Creation. Neither religion, nor pornography has it right, though I will beg to differ that religion probably is closer to it than pornography. However, for religion to put restrictions on something that is so utterly powerful as sexual energy, has done it just as much injustice as pornography. When one tries to “control” any kind of energy, let alone sexual energy, they are playing with fire and will eventually get burned or electrocuted, either way its not a very smart idea. While I do understand what religion was trying to do by creating the “Holy Sacrament of Matrimony”, what they did not understand was that to hold someones sexual desires back by making it a sin outside of marriage, would only serve to make the desire for it that much stronger. Thus the birth of the profane, in other words, pornography. I mean who, after-all, wants to be made to feel guilt or shame around sexual pleasure?
Sacred Sexuality is the Divine Union of the Masculine energy (Shiva), or pure consciousness and the Feminine energy (Shakti), or pure matter and we as humans embody both masculine and feminine energy because we are born in the likeness of the Creator which is ALL encompassing. We have both masculine and feminine hormones... and even though men have more testosterone and women have more estrogen, we still have a little of the both in order to help us better understand the other gender. This is why it is so important not to shame others that feel as though they were born in the opposite genders body. Some of us may have an over production of male hormones, even though we were born in the body of a female... and some of us may have an over production of female hormones, even though we were born in the body of a male.
In retrospect, we are all just “HUMAN”… and because we as humans merely want to connect with that which we came from… the Divine Source, we should be allowed to express that however it feels right to us, no matter what tradition says or how societal norms are projected onto us. One of the most potent ways to do this is not only through sex, but especially through “orgasm”. Orgasm is the glue that binds us to Source and probably the main reason we are all so utterly addicted to and obsessed with sex. Because we feel so separated from this source and we are constantly wanting to be reunited with it. I once heard someone say, “What is the one word people scream out the most during an orgasm”? You guessed it, “OH GOD”, or oh my god!!!… because that is exactly what is happening when we are “coming”!!! We are experiencing the “ONE-ness that we once came from before we took a human form. There is nothing more wonderful, more amazing, and more exciting than that moment when we lose ourselves in the powerful, blissful, ecstasy of orgasm, is there not? You might even say that we live for it. So why are we not celebrating it, honoring it, worshiping it? Its because we are so completely and utterly disconnected from it and Tantra is the path of liberation that brings us back to it. So why, you may ask, is Tantra not the more predominant spiritual practice in our world today? Its really quite simple… because the “powers that be”, otherwise known as “organized religion” saw it as a direct threat to their own power and did what ever it took to take that power away from the people and usurp it as their own for their own selfish, self-centered and self-righteous reasons. Somehow they must have known that this would give people a direct connection with this Divine Source and that they would have no need for a hierarchy to answer to in the form of sin, fear, guilt, shame, and punishment. Organized religion took what was initially SACRED and turned it into the PROFANE! What better way to get people to do your bidding then to threaten them with fear of punishment for their thoughts, feelings, needs and actions?
Which brings me to my next subject… “Non Violent Communication” or NVC. There are two things that every single human being on this planet has in common and that is FEELINGS & NEEDS. No matter where we were born, what color our skin is, whether we were born in a male body or a female body, what religion we were raised in, what politics you were conditioned to believe in, etc... Most of us grew up in a world where our feelings have gone unacknowledged and our needs have gone unmet. We learned manipulative strategies to get our needs met, sometimes not even realizing what those needs were in the first place. Most of our needs are connected to our feelings which again, we were taught to push down and not express for fear of ridicule, embarrassment, harassment, etc… we learned to put walls up to protect ourselves from being hurt and our feelings from being exposed. Unfortunately, this has done humanity a grave disservice by not allowing us to truly connect with others on a deeper level. We go around trying to defend our traditions and beliefs like our lives depend on it because its the only thing we know how to do. It makes us feel safe because it gives a false sense of “purpose” to our lives. But are we really and truly satisfied with that? When I look around at the state of the world i'm inclined to say NO, we are not satisfied, in fact, we are quite the opposite. But what can we do to change it? First lesson, its NOT about changing others to believe in what we believe in. Second lesson, its ONLY about changing ourselves and what we were taught to believe in. Its about getting in touch with our feelings, then seeing what our needs are according to those feelings and learning how to go about getting those needs met, not out of manipulation but out of the goodness of our hearts and souls. This is no easy task for the average person. This requires a whole new way of thinking and especially “feeling” that we never even new was possible. But what if we had a tool for communication that allowed us to express our feelings and needs and also helped us to empathize with the feelings and needs of others? Would you want to learn? It took me 52 years to come to understand Non Violent Communication and I am here to tell you, that it saved my life. Its still not easy to communicate non-violently in a world that was conditioned, trained and groomed to communicate in the opposite manner. But when you really take the time to listen, learn, change, and grow, I know you will see what we've been missing out on for so long. Give me the opportunity to share this gift with you and hopefully we can change the world to be a better place one heart at a time and bring back the sacredness to our sexuality and our humanity.